Rambling Faggy Tranny,
Living in Utah.
My name is Dexter and I was assigned the gender "female" at birth. Since December of 2008, there's been a whole lotta social and physical transition going on up in here. Why? To help my brain and body physiologically connect. Importantly, my gender identity (genderqueer) hasn't changed and doubtfully ever will. Male, female, genderqueer, he, she, ze... whatev.
I'm currently a college student and a McNair Scholar majoring in Psychology. I intend to nab me a PhD!
Kiddle Era:
Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours... if you can count!
Ian Harvie on Fundraising n' the Sexy F2M Calendar!
Really amazing blog post from Ian Harvie regarding his journey to get enough money for his own surgery, and mention of the Sexy F2M Calendar fundraiser Aaron and I have been putting on to raise mula for his much-needed surgery. Ian also submitted a photo for the calendar contest, which, of course, made it into the final 12. Thank you, Ian!
Finals B Gone & Breast Cancer
It has been 5 very refreshing, gaming-filled days since I took my last of four finals from the most.brutal.semester.by.far.ever. It felt like the third season of RuPaul’s Drag Race - but instead of making three elaborate dresses a night, I had paper after god awful project after presentation and another paper and then another presentation and… you get the gist. Anyway, by the end of it writing a single sentence made my chest clench and my mind go blank. Oy vey.
On another, more personal note, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last month. She had surgery on Monday and we’re waiting to hear back regarding the possibility of radiation treatment.
I’ve had a difficult time figuring out how to write about this in a way that respects my mother’s privacy while also relaying that it’s happening and how I feel. I’ll just let her read and approve it before I publish. Solution, BAM!
Essentially, throughout learning of her diagnosis I’ve felt stressed, but moreso worried about how she’s handling it and what I can do to support her and my pops. But overall, our family has been extremely optimistic about it - especially my mom, who has been crazy strong, positive, and handling it super well. For instance, just moments before she was about to be wheeled in for surgery, she pulled a fast one on the staff. I’m not sure that the medical staff expect this kind of behavior from cancer patients, but a reeeeal cruel funny, it was.
So, pre-surgery the nurse hooked my mom up to a “patient warming system” called a “bear hugger”. It’s similar to an air mattress, but goes over someone like a blanket and is filled with warm air via a tube screwed in to the bottom that’s attached to the bear hugging warmer machine. This picture I’ve chosen to illustrated what this contraption is happens to be god awful blurry, but it’s the best I could find!
Anyway, THE day before surgery my mom went out with the family and I to coffee and sat directly in the sun for hours with no sun screen. Predictably, she ended up with a rash-looking burn on her chest, forearms, and even her hands.
Surprise Anaesthesia Bill
Just a couple of days ago, I received a $900 bill from the U of U hospital for the anaesthesia required during my surgery. My first payment of $89 would be due on the first of September.
Admittedly, I was surprised to receive a huge bill after just paying almost $5,500 out of pocket. But I wasn’t upset. I think, pre-surgery, I might have been. Post-surgery? I’m way too floaty high up in super ecstatic land to be negatively affected. My affirmations kicked in with, “Eh, I guess I’ll figure out how to start making payments. It’s probably a blooper of some sort anyway.”
So I brought it up to Haley, Dr. Agarwal’s medical secretary. When I checked my e-mail a minute ago, she’d responded telling me to ignore it and that the anaesthesia bills for self pay patients are supposed to be sent to Dr. Agarwal’s office.
WHEW!
So honestly, throwing up a photo like this is unprecedented for me. In fact, back in my “before times”, I’d poke fun at people who threw up “ooo look how cute I am.” photos. I was all about the modesty. But now? Uh, yeah, alright, modesty is still awesome and all - but, from now on, it’s not for me. Guess who doesn’t have to wear a binder ever again and feels super cute 4 the 1st time eva? Me!
Already I’m losing precious study time having so much fun exhausting myself romping about in the world. I feel absolutely ecstatic and the most comfortable I’ve ever experienced. I can look at myself in the mirror. I can look down at my bare chest. I can even take a photo like this and throw it up on my blog.
I never knew it was possible to feel this awesometastic !!!
Back 2 School
Had my first and second day of classes Wednesday and Thursday! The lessons I’ve learned so far?
- It’s hard to carry books less than 2 weeks after surgery.
- Sweating in a compression vest is itchier than in a binder.
- Nipple grafts freak me out. Today I see my surgeon and find out if my tissue is livin’ or dyin’! Yay!
- Statistics = intimidating.
I also endured a lot of hugs. But fortunately, most everyone who wants to hug me also reads my blog - and know to do so side ways, gently, and semi-awkwardly.
I foresee this being a good semester.
In other news, not riding a bicycle SLAYS ME. I feel like a chubby little lump on a recliner chair. Which I am, but seriously… I absolutely can not wait to peddle furiously in sweaty booblessness celebration!
Out and Aboot
After working from home on a recliner chair in jammies for a week, I returned to the office yesterday. Wee!
I’d predicted that the worst case scenario would involve my being an idiot and trying to lift shit when I shouldn’t - but, that didn’t happen. Instead, the worst case scenario turned out to be the bro shake. I hadn’t realized how often this happens in my world… or maybe just on a college campus (and elsewhere?), but there’s a LOT of grab-hand-hard-and-shake-arm-or-fist-bump-or-variations-of-this going on. To which I’d whimper and respond, “Ooo, careful. I just had surgery.”
This happened about five painful times. “Hey! Haven’t seen you around in a while! How have you been??” *hand flies out towards mine, grab, firm swing while my hand flops around like a flaccid fish*.
There was one feller who bounced in to the office while I was in there with a couple other student government peeps. He was in student government last year and I shared a class with him. When he went in for the bro shake I diverted with, “Just had surgery. No shaking for me.” He of course asked, “Surgery? What for?”
Me: “Chest…”
Him: “Chest? Did they operate on your heart or something?”
Me: “No, no! Top surgery.”
Him: “Top surgery?”
Me: “Yes. To get rid of my breasts! So relieved!”
With this, he was clearly caught off-guard. His mouth literally fell agape and his brow furrowed as he tried to process my response. Meanwhile, in my neck of the woods, I replied with, ya know, the honest reason that I couldn’t shake his hand. If I’d dislocated my shoulder skating along a sidewalk or something, I would’ve blurted that out instead. But, when it’s presumed that I’m a cisgender feller and I reply, “My boobs are gone!”, clearly there’s a whaaaaa puzzle pieces clicking cognitive disconnect going on.
Fortunately, instead of feeling compelled to elaborate and before he had a chance to respond, we were interrupted by someone else in the office asking me questions about something on the H:\ drive something another. And then he had to run off.
a.w.k.w.a.r.d.
Ouch! I didn’t notice this until earlier today when I removed the compression vest to finally get cleaned up - but I have lacerations on both sides from wearing the vest for 6 days. Why I didn’t feel these, I don’t know. Pain killers initially - but I stopped taking them Tuesday. High pain tolerance? I dunno! But what the frak.
The moral of this story? Leaving my vest on for 6 days was entirely worth these lacerations, which require less help healing than my chest and nipple grafts.
My compression vest has been washed and is now hanging up to dry while I relax in the front room with my mom. Topless. Lacerations, bruising, swelling, stitches, and nipple grafts gots NOTHIN’ on how absolutely comfortable and relieving this feels. I still can’t believe that this has happened. The reality is setting in little by little and I love it.
My mom put some Neosporin and bandages on the lacerations. We also removed the bandages from the drain tube wounds since they had stopped leaking. For cleansing, I decided not to shower since I’m super paranoid about babying my nipple grafts so the tissue doesn’t die. Instead, my mom helped me wash my hair - and then I took a quick bath for everything else. My nipple bandages remained entirely dry and I won’t remove and re-bandage them just yet.
Dr. Cori Agarwal removing my drain tubes earlier today - which is 6 days after my double incision mastectomy with nipple/areolar grafting. It was essentially painless and just felt like a brief pinch.
PART 2: Double Incision Mastectomy with Nipple Grafts by Dr. Cori Agarwal Surgery Photos (EXTREMELY GRAPHIC)
Earlier today I learned that Dr. Cori Agarwal’s medical secretary, Haley, was able to come in and take photographs during my 3 hour surgery on August 11, 2011. I had asked her to 6 months ago and, fortunately, Dr. Agarwal also wanted her to come observe this type of surgery. Double-win!
As a warning, these photos are extremely graphic, but also incredibly informative and educational. This is why I’m displaying them after the “read more” button below instead of as a photo gallery. Proceed with caution!
PART 1: Double Incision Mastectomy with Nipple Grafts by Dr. Cori Agarwal Surgery Photos (EXTREMELY GRAPHIC)
Earlier today I learned that Dr. Cori Agarwal’s medical secretary, Haley, was able to come in and take photographs during my 3 hour surgery on August 11, 2011. I had asked her to 6 months ago and, fortunately, Dr. Agarwal also wanted her to come observe this type of surgery. Double-win!
As a warning, these photos are extremely graphic, but also incredibly informative and educational. This is why I’m displaying them after the “read more” button below instead of as a photo gallery. Proceed with caution!
