Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

Over these past couple of years I have been through a binder or two, and, while all of them are uncomfortable awful acid-reflux-inducing pain-in-the-lower-backs, eventually I stumbled across the Underwork’s Double Front Compression Shirt (Model 997) and have since become ridiculously fond of it.

Ever since I started wearing it last June I have literally worn it every day since. Even though it’s comfortable in comparison to the other binders I have, if worn for longer than 6 hours it will start to cause acid reflux and my shoulders/upper-back start to really ache. After longer than 10 hours, I will literally start to feel sick - so I started to wear it in classes and then, while wearing a baggy jacket, will switch to the T-Kingdom M801 for a chest break’ish. 

This system has been a flawless one - up until Monday morning, when I couldn’t find the 997 binder for the life of me. Dun dun dun! Now that I hate my other two binders (which are just ridiculous awful and there’s no way I’d even try to wear one of them longer than 4 hours. I’m most likely going to donate them to a local trans dude who they may work for & fit better or to the Big Brothers Used Binder Program), I opted to just go to school to the loose-binding M801 and to just strategically wear my jacket all day to hide my chest.

Read More

Earlier today I made a very exciting phone call.

Wait for it…

wait for it…

… for a consultation with the top surgeon here in Utah.

Wooooo!

I learned about her through word-of-mouth at the Trans Action conference in November through other trans guys showing off their chests and rambling on about how wondrous she is. I’ve been giddy and prepping for it ever since.

During the consultation I want to a.) get a quote on how much my surgery will cost and b.) figure out payment options. I have around $2,000 so far (90% of this from donations - thank you everyone!!!) to use as a down payment, if possible. If not, I will at least have a (presumably) much smaller amount to continue saving up towards than the initial fly-to-Florida for a $5500 surgery + figuring out a place to stay & food for a week, plane ticket costs, covering the costs for a friend to come play care-taker, etc., plan. Having a surgeon located so close makes the whole thing much more attainable. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to have my top surgery done over Spring Break. Or maybe over the Summer. Sooner than later, that’s for sure.

I can’t help fantasize about life post-op. First thing I’ll do when I’m healed? Run to the school gym and swim laps. I haven’t gone swimming for years - initially because it was just, uncomfortable and impossible to find a swimming suit situation that would work; but then, especially post-hormone therapy, due to how confining binding is for something that requires so much movement and, without binding, how awkward and unsafe it would feel.

I fantasize about bicycling all over the place with my chest liberated, as my body sweats like crazy for blissful cool down. I can’t wait to go to the gym every day and just, lift weights with my unbinded chest and rinse off in the locker room without fear. I can’t wait to try dating again and, really… to work on repairing the toll a “disconnected puberty” has taken on my self-esteem. Getting closer, one step at a time!

And in regards to the donations that have been sent my way thus far, I really have no words. It’s astounding to me and incredibly appreciated that you have all done so much to help get me closer to making this surgery happen. Aside from the economic help, I’m touched by how sweet and thoughtful everyone has been. How incredibly supportive, understanding, and, above all, just… knowing that I’m not alone in this - that, despite societal hurdles, in reality I have friends and incredible people all around me, always, every step of the way. And, even more adorable, how genuinely empathetic and altruistic all of you are. That, despite having your own goals, aspirations, and problems, you still take the time to read my blog and to extend whatever you can to communicate that support; whether it’s through all of your sweet little comments, donating to my surgery, or by just reading about my experience and being one of those people in the world who, ya know, rock.

Thank you. Fo’ real real.

With this whole interning at school bit I stumbled upon a little technical snag… one they call The Social Security Administration (SSA), dun dun dun! On my first day of work - Monday - I was told to head down to Human Resources (HR) on campus to fill out paperwork in order to be officially employed.

k, sure - so off I went, filled out papers, and - the next day - I received an e-mail telling me that I needed to come back to the HR office to discuss some things.

Hrm.

Upon return I was told that they had gone through this E-Verify shindig with my social security number and that it had come back saying that yes, this number is real, but the information provided with it isn’t matching up. The HR employee seemed baffled and admitted that this was the first time they’d had E-Verify reject a social security number. I told her not to fret - that I’d had my name legally changed and hadn’t yet updated it with the social security peeps.

Read More

Had my second round of new classes today, which went super well. I bicycled with my pops, which went much faster than I’d anticipated. For some odd reason, everything seems faster in peddle land than automobile-ville. Hard to explain… but, the distance didn’t instill peddling afar reluctance in me -

… but the idea of binding while wearing an insanely heavy backpack and sweating profusely going a great distance, then showing up to school all god awful salty gross sweaty did.

Which didn’t happen! See, I’ve developed a solution of sorts.

Read More

Time to whine, moan, and complain a tad. My whimpering note of the day? 100 degrees of summer heat combined with binding. Holy shit miserable hot diggity damn.

I have been wearing the Underwork’s Double Front Compression Shirt (Model 997) as my primary summer binder. It is the lightest, by far. It’s comfortable to all hell and it binds so well without restricting my breathing that I can wear it with my lightest, transparent white shirts.

But, because it covers my entire frickin’ torso my skin underneath doesn’t get a lot of air (especially necessary when bicycling!), so on occasion I’ll wear the zip-up T-Kingdom 801. But, alas, it doesn’t bind as snug as I’d prefer, so I end up wearing a loose button-up or t-shirt over it. And as the day progresses it gets looser and binds less and less effectively, so I generally end up switching between the two.

Read More

So my last post now leads to a review for the binder I wore on my trip and have been wearing continuously (and washing - don’t fret!) these past few weeks: the Underwork’s Double Front Compression Shirt (Model 997) in size large which I bought a few weeks ago as a summer-gets-hot-and-I-don’t-wanna-double-bind binder.

I chose to wear it to the desert because I knew that a.) it’s the least hot due to not double-binding and b.) I can most comfortably wear my smallest/lightest shirts in it because it binds tight enough solo.

I initially purchased it in XL, tried it on, and sent it back for L. When I tried it on for the first time, it felt way too tight. I wasn’t able to put it on like a shirt, and instead had to step into it and lift it up. And now, just a few weeks later and even after washing, it’s a snug and perfect fit that I can easily put on like a shirt.

It’s, by far, my most favorite of all binders I’ve binded with. So much so that I have a hard time not wearing it every.single.day and leaving my other couple of surviving binders on their hangers to gather lint and dust.

Read More

I spent the weekend basking in the land of Goblins! A land with a whole lotta sand, sun, campers, 4-wheelers, and Memorial Weekend visitors galore. So many that frequently while reading in my tent about five 4-wheelers in a row would come roaring past about four feet away from my tent-stealthed noggin. One driver had an infant strapped to her chest. Fuck yeah, America!

I have never, ever gone camping on Memorial Weekend before. It always communicated to me LOTS OF PEOPLE ALL CAMPING AT THE SAME TIME - and, for me, I love camping to, well, get away from lots and lots of people. Not that people aren’t wonderful n’ warm n’ adorable and all that; but, being as far away from humanity as possible on occasion is wonderful n’ warm n’ adorable in its own, refreshing right.

This land of goblins is named, appropriately enough, Goblin Valley. And here’s what it looks like:

Ooooo. Without a car and water, I think I’d last about 2 days and they’d find my skeleton decomposed into clay in a shady rock-hut years later. This Valley, by the by, is actually neat to all hell. Camping in it gave me heat stroke because I’m a pale American of Welsh decent who isn’t built for the desert - but, despite all of my desert-everyone-else-is-in-air-conditioned-campers-while-we’re-actually-in-a-tent whining, the goblins are so astounding.

Read More

About four years ago I traveled to New York City for a conference where I knew that I had to do the following things:

• Go on an edible wild foods tour through Central Park with Wild Man Steve Brill (who was arrested for foraging back in the day)
• See the Museum of Sex
• Eat lots of vegan food
• See Cazwell - a “homo-hop” artist who frequently collaborates with trans babe Amanda Lepore

Side note: If you’re wondering wtf “homo hop” is, it’s a genre of hip hop music performed by LGBT artists and performers. It has been described as “a global movement of gay hip-hop MCs and fans determined to stake their claim in a genre too often associated with homophobia and anti-gay lyrics.”>

I accomplished all of the above minus a Cazwell fix. Why? His show was all booked.

Read More