Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

My apologies in advance for this boring ass post - but school right now. Seriously. As a McNair Scholar, most of my time these past two months has been spent with a research group following adolescents around in a park with a clipboard coding for “instances of aggression”. Now that we’re finished with that creeper good time, this week shit got real. Hence less blogging fun happy time.

Starting next Monday, my group and I will be spending 8 hours a day for three days in a row presenting our research over and over… and over… where it (and our presentation styles) will be relentlessly torn apart by super awesome McNair-lovin’ faculty under the guise of “constructive feedback”. Which it is. But still.

I absolutely fear public speaking. Due to this, I have spent the majority of my years avoiding things like, uh, presenting — at all costs. But in academia land?

There’s no escape.

Aside from whining, this really is a pretty spiffy opportunity that will help me in the long-run. I’m crossing my fingers that this merciless presentation torture camp will beat the fright out of me. And, once it’s over, I will be a ragged, shrivelled li’l husk that can speak in front of groups with no fear!

On day four, for this first time ever I’ll stand in front of a fo’ real real crowd and present research at a local symposium. Then off we all go to present at a conference in Berkeley. While everyone else has to bunk up with other scholars, I get to bask in my own little tranny pad because, awesome enough, Berkeley is trans-AWESOME and has trans housing policies! According to UC Berkeley’s 2007 Transgender Brief (pdf):

Sensitivity training on transgender and gender identity issues has been provided to the staff in Housing Assignments/RSSB. We meet the needs of transgender students in housing on a case-by-case basis and house the student according to his or her gender identity.

This is a HUGE relief for me. I love that I’ll have a space to go to where I can have the privacy to remove my binder and just, relax. Then I come home on the 8th, where I’ll blog galore - and, at long last, my surgery on the 11th and binders be gone!!!! I’d burn them — but, instead, I’ll hand-me-down to Aaron. Who won’t fit in some, and will hand-me-down to some other adorable tranny in need of busted up broken in bindies. And then I’ll move beyond Day 5 of that gawd awful 30 Days to a Better Man shindig.

Onwards to my delayed Day 6 of this grueling and obnoxious 30 day task that my frenemy, Aaron, duped me into joining him on. Speaking of Aaron - yesterday him and I went out to Provo (just to give you an idea - Provo is the hub of Brigham Young University, which is a private college operated by the LDS Church and home to their largest missionary training center. Oooo…) to explore a potential top surgeon. Some time ago he had called around to various plastic surgeons in Utah asking who would be willing to do top surgery - and this guy said yes.

So he asked me to join him and off we went. After a lot of driving, a lot of blonde, and exiting the room once the surgeon wanted to take boob photos, the experience was a really positive one. The staff were all really careful to use masculine pronouns with him, expressed support, asked how he preferred to spell his name for their records, etc. We were both impressed - up until the price. Almost $8,000 dolla! Despite the risk of being this doctor’s first-time FTM patient, that’s about the same rate that Dr Michael Brownstein charges who super knows his shit after doing FTM top surgeries for a gazillion + 1 years (and lives in expensive-as-fuck San Francisco). So yeah, despite their friendliness, I think Aaron might be passing on that one.

Hopefully the company that Aaron works for will switch his health insurance from trans-exclusive United Healthcare to trans-inclusive Aetna who would be much more likely to cover his surgery.

Moving on - here is the introduction to today’s task:

Today we’re going to focus on one of those “small” things: our resume. I don’t know everyone’s story out there, but I’m sure many of you are looking for work. And having an updated, sharp looking resume is an essential part of networking like a man.

Workity schmorkity. I’m living the spoiled and plush student working on campus and living with my parents life these days who needs not fret over such things (unlike the time I was laid off and, despite trying to stay optimistic about it for about a month, spiralled into a hopeless-everything-felt-insurmountable super scary sad place for a bit there). Bad economy =’s no bueno.

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Today’s 30 Days to a Better Man task revolves around having gratitude:

The ungrateful man is callous; he’s come to think that all the good things that happen to him and all the service rendered him are an automatic response to his impeachable awesomeness. He deserves all that stuff and more….

The grateful man is a humble man. He has no illusions of his grandeur. He knows that bad things happen to good people. He knows how easily a rally can turn into a slump. He knows how much worse off many others are than he is. He understands the sacrifices others make on his behalf. And he deeply, deeply appreciates them. (art of manliness)

This is a vast improvement over yesterdays. I like it - since, ya know, gratitude is applicable to everyone. Today’s task is two-fold: (1) make a list of 10 things that you’re grateful for and (2) give 3 thank you’s to 3 different people today. Done and done.

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You may not have thought about testosterone much since your voice cracked while reciting Shakespeare in Mrs. Tonnelson’s ninth grade English class. (art of manliness)

Well, maybe some men haven’t, Art of Manliness. But for this guy? I kindasorta think about it quite a bit - even as my voice began cracking while singing Rock Band karaoke at age 27 or attempting to enthusiastically hoot during burlesque at the bar.

Apparently, in order to increase one’s T, I’m supposed to:

• Sleep at least 8 hours a night
• Don’t smoke
• Don’t consume soy
• Meditate for at least 10 minutes 
• Lift weights
• Eat a serving of good fat
• Eat a serving of animal protein
• Eat a serving of cruciferous vegetables
• Have morning sex (does partner-less count?)

So, everything is all said and good, minus the “don’t consume soy” and the “eat a serving of animal protein” crap.

First, the soy-increases-estrogen hoopla is bunk. A meta-analysis conducted in 2009 was published in the journal Fertility and Sterility which showed that neither soy foods nor isoflavone supplements from soy affect testosterone levels in men.

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Today is Day 3 of this ridiculous 30 Days to a Better Man shindig Aaron convinced me to join him on. Today’s task? Find a mentor.

Figuring out what it means to be a man can be tough. And it’s arguably tougher for men today, who are often more socially isolated, don’t have as many friends, and don’t have strong relationships with their fathers and other male relatives. It’s therefore more important than ever for every man to seek out mentors to help him navigate the complicated waters of manliness and life.

I’m not sure what the Art of Manliness thinks it “means to be a man” - but, for me, it means being happy, healthy, and comfortable being who I am; an individual who is accepted and valued by society for being himself. Or hizself. Or zerself. Or.or.or.

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Stemming from the logic that women notice shoes, the Day 2 task from Art of Manliness is to shine ma shoes!

Get out every pair of dress shoes that you own and get them all into ship shape condition. You never know when you’re going to need to don a pair, and the last thing you want to do is be ready to run at the door to an important meeting and realize that your shoes are in no condition to meet the public.

Uh… since I don’t have “a few cans of Kiwi shoe polish” or dress shoes, I’ll opt to put a pair of my chucks into the washing machine.

I’m sure that my bright white sneakers will, of course, contribute to my becoming a “better man”… perhaps not as much as the feel of driving around in my midlife crisis car in stiff n’ shiny high-end shoes - but, ya know. Close?

Now here is a real stanly manly man:

Look at them shiny shoes and that permeating aura of I’m-richer-than-you! Clearly he successfully completed the Art of Manliness’s 30 Day Guide to a Better Man! I can’t wait!

So today is Day 1 of this “Be a Better Man in 30 Days” ridonkulous quest Aaron convinced me to join him on. Of course, I couldn’t resist. So here goes the first day of my “journey to becoming a better man!”

The task of the day? Define my core values stemming from the question:

“What’s truly important to me as a man?”

I’m supposed to come up with five of these little suckers after weeding and prioritizing.

So now, per The Art of Manliness instruction, I will turn my dopamine-inducing bounce house dancy music off and will spend the next 5 minutes in silence, pondering and jotting with a pen upon pad whatever comes to me.

[[[[5 minutes later]]]]

Dexter’s Core Values

1. Compassion
2. Empathy
3. Non-Violence
4. Honesty
5. Sex
6. Growth
7. Happiness

Fin! Whoa, feeling more manly already…            ?

By the way, I loved Harvey Katz (aka “Athens Boys Choir”) at Mestizo Cafe last night. He bounced back and forth between spoken word poetry and songs like Tranny Got Pack and Fagette. Lots o’ gaggle o’ faggle fun, for sure. My friend, Aaron, arrived with a finger puppet he’s named “Pirate Pete” who he has since created a Facebook fan page for to fill with mountains of beyond worthless Pirate Pete adventure photos. Oy.

On another beyond worthless Aaron-related note, he has asked me to join him on a ridonkulous “Be a Better Man in 30 Days” excursion, created by this Art of Manliness blog.

Wow. Of course - I can’t resist. We start tomorrow.