Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

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Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:19:24 -0500

Tranny is Just a Word

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:47:08 -0500

“People used to take offense with the words “queer” and “dyke,” both of which predates the words “trannie” and “tranny.” The word “dyke” is the shorten version of the word “bulldyke,” first seen in 1920 novels. “Queer” is much older, coming from the English language in the 16th century, meaning “strange, unusual,” or “out of alignment.” These words were used to denote LGBT people for a long time, yet they have been successfully reclaimed to neutralize their emotional affect. However, they are still heard during violent acts toward LGBT people.

Many trans people are reclaiming the words “trannie” and “tranny,” and they appear to be mostly the younger people in our community. They seem to understand the need to neutralize the affect that others have in wanting to offend us. Younger LGBT people also accept “queer” and “dyke” more than older LGBT people and may actually become the ones who will successfully neutralize the “F-word.”

For me, I refuse to allow anyone to take control of my emotions by allowing them to think that the word “trannie” will offend me.”

Guess who just announced their starting lineup! Puppy Bowl...

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:06:29 -0500

Guess who just announced their starting lineup! Puppy Bowl Par-Tay!

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Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:02:53 -0500

Trans People are Banned From Boarding Airplanes in Canada

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:36:00 -0500

Trans People are Banned From Boarding Airplanes in Canada:

The shit hit the fan in the trans blogosphere last night, when it came to light that there is a disturbing new section in the Identity Screening Regulations used in airports throughout Canada. Simply put, Transgender People are Completely Banned From Boarding Airplanes in Canada.

Albert Nobbs and U.S. Stereotypes

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 03:16:00 -0500

Let’s just be honest here; Albert Nobbs was a steaming pile of rectal sludge. It had an interesting enough premise, but it was just slopped together to achieve a faux impression of an in-depth film. Epic fail.

#SPOILERS AHEAD#

The plot is set in 19th century Ireland and involves a “woman passing as a man” who works as a waiter. Each evening he hides away his meager tips and wages and carefully records his growing fortune. All the while he fantasizes about the day he’ll take a wife and purchase a little tobacco shop. He stands around - a lot. He meets another “woman passing as a man” named Mr.Page and then spends the rest of the movie trying to court a way younger pregnant maid by buying her crap, laying in bed, and more standing around. Eventually he bops his head on a wall, lays down in bed - again - and looks a bit more pale. I think that meant he was dead. But it wasn’t all that different from when he was alive - so I’m not really sure.

The problem is that the whole story was just a pile of nonsensical clichés plus boring dialogue and two dimensional (almost one dimensional) characters. In the end, what could have been a cool and moving flick turned out to be tedious and dull replay of uninformed trans and lesbian stereotypes.

The worst part? Instead of maybe casting someone who was androgynous or maybe queer or, god forbid, actually trans to play the part - they cast a famous actress, slathered her in really creepy make-up, and had her stand around like an awkward shiny wax statue.

I literally felt nothing the entire film. The only thing that moved were my bowels - which fortunately allowed me to escape for a few minutes midway through it. The character was just so empty and creepy. I couldn’t make myself care if I tried.

And really, I tried. I paid $8.60 for this.

Well, I lie. I didn’t feel anything until Albert Nobbs explained why he had become Albert Nobbs. He had been abandoned as a child and then gang raped. Afterwards, he saw a job opening for a waiter, found a suit, and got the job. And, by golly, he’s just been Albert Nobbs ever since! Oh, and now he is attracted to women, too. Why, we all know there aren’t really queer or trans people - just cisgender women who have horribly traumatic negative experiences with men!

Seriously, I’m so tired of seeing movies where someone becomes a lesbian or decides to spend their entire life living 24/7 as a dude because they were victims of childhood trauma - usually rape.

What’s with the United States and this bullshit stereotype? Just a few weeks ago I went out to see the U.S. remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

In the Swedish version, the main character, Lisbeth Salandar, wakes up at some point with a girl in her bed. We, the audience, have no idea if this is a one-night-stand, a long-term girlfriend, a fuck buddy… or what. What we do know is that she sleeps with chicks. She’s bad ass, independent, dominates the shit out of Mikael Blomkvist, and is all hawt sexually fluid. Then, later in the film, gets raped.

In the U.S. version, different story. There’s absolutely no indication throughout the film that she’s attracted to women - until after she gets raped. Immediately afterwards she goes to a club, finds a girl, and has a one-night-stand with her. The next morning Mikael shows up with food and tells her to get rid of “the girl”, which she does. When Mikael touches her, she flinches and warns him not to touch her. Since, she, of course, now fears men and therefore, sleeps with women. Why U.S.? Whhhyyy???

Noomi Rapace - Swedish Lisbeth. Hawt. Independent. Bad azz.

Rooney Mara - U.S. Lisbeth. Is it crack, the onset of female alopecia, or heroine? I haven’t quite pegged it.

Oh, and here’s Janet McTeer playing Mr.Page in Albert Nobbs. And this is with special fx make-up. How convincing! I never saw those Double-D’s coming!

Aside from the barely redeeming factor of Mr.Page and his wife (although, I was probably just bored and desperate), Albert Nobbs is a an obnoxious mass of offensive stereotypes that isn’t memorable enough to even be forgettable. Next.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:23:58 -0500

You can’t talk about solving the economic problem of the Negro without talking about billions of dollars. You can’t talk about ending the slums without first saying profit must be taken out of slums… Now this means that we are treading in difficult water, because it really means that we are saying that something is wrong…with capitalism… There must be a better distribution of wealth and maybe America must move toward a Democratic Socialism.

— Martin Luther King, Jr., 1966

Started this yesterday and I can’t wait for her to be...

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:22:00 -0500

Started this yesterday and I can’t wait for her to be finished. Then we can, at long last, grow old together. *swoon*

Gobama!

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:30:49 -0500

Gobama!:

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has affirmed that transgender people can deduct their hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery expenses.

Trans Guys Disclose There are some things about ourselves we...

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:19:04 -0500

Trans Guys Disclose

There are some things about ourselves we don’t immediately reveal to other people. Meet Billy, Danny and Atari - three guys who you may be surprised to find out were born biologically female. Story produced by Monique Schafter and Ali Russell for Hungry Beast.

Before every new semester I get a pit in my stomach

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 14:50:00 -0500

… trying to figure out how I can pay for the required texts. Even with the privilege of not worrying about food or shelter, living with my parents, it is still a daunting challenge. Most semesters I’ve been able to find ways to work it out and some semesters I couldn’t. The semesters where I literally couldn’t afford my books made it very difficult to keep up and do well in class.

I use a variety of strategies to figure out this book shindig, including checking out older editions from a the library, renting, finding used books or even online versions of old, outdated editions. This semester I’ve dug and clawed and whimpered and journeyed far to find any way I could possibly get out of spending at least $600. And alas - it ain’t happin’n.

Situations like this really make it difficult to ignore how I feel about the way academia operates in the United States. Students work harder and take on more debt to get degrees whose value is open to question. Meanwhile, colleges are the pawns of corporate interests who price gouge a captive student body. You are “free”. Free to buy this text, at this price, with this online code which expires after this semester. The same information is, of course, readily available from hundreds or thousands of inexpensive sources. But, for some reason your class must use this incredibly expensive source with all lower cost options made as inaccessible as possible. Really? Seriously?

In other industrialised countries, they have awesome student unions and progressive governments who consider higher education a universal right. It is not a privilege reserved only for those who can afford it. In the U.S. the cost of college rises at an annual rate 2.3% faster than the rate of inflation (DSA). Whoa.

The whole thing feels like a game of Wipe Out. It all begins with a whole bundle of enthusiastic, bright eyed and bushy tailed contestants (i.e. freshman who are all excited about learning). Round after round contestants are weeded out. Inevitably, every one gets whacked with massive rubber balls or have to swim through mud. They myth is that only the “best and brightest” make through it to the end. But, even the cream of the crop end up like veterans of a brutal war left paralysed with injuries and PTSD. Left behind are the majority, the “failures,” left with damaged self-esteem and bitter resentment towards education.

The result is a population where the majority seriously believe the Earth was created in a puff of magic and is only a few thousand years old.

Last semester in Statistics I sat by a fellow student who worked his heart out to understand the complicated concepts being taught. He was in class every single day. He turned in every assignment. Took every test. Studied and studied. On the second to last day, he told me, “I know I’m failing this class. Why did I even keep coming to class? I would have received the same grade if I’d never tried at all.” What the fuck sense does that make!? It made me sick. Here I was getting an ‘A’ in the same class. If I had helped other students it would have lowered my own grade. What a wonderful system - not.

Like half of that class, he received the undeniably clear and present message that he was a failure. That working as hard as he could, he was not as good as other students. He was bad at statistics. One more thing to add to the list of his failures and inadequacies. Maybe he could be good at art or music. Certainly not at mathematics.

Bullshit. He didn’t fail. The system failed. I could have helped him if I had known he was struggling and if the system was not set up to punish me for helping. Maybe he had a harder time than I did. But, so did Einstein. He was a bad student and he went on to change the world.

It’s thanks to progressive government intervention, not private capitalists, that higher education became a real possibility for me. Programs like McNair and other financial aid I fortunately have access to.

So yeah, in the end college graduates will most likely make more money than their non-degree-holding weeded out counterparts. But in the eyes of employers, getting through Wipe Out is simply a way to weed out applicants. A degree doesn’t indicate that someone is more intelligent or more skilled - it merely shows that they can obey authority and follow a schedule. That those who can jump through the hoops of college are better suited to the authoritarian regime of the private workplace.

~ Vent FIN ~

When I lay there in my pantaloons

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 15:17:00 -0500

… pondering deeply about such things like what position I’d prefer to be in if I ended up in The Human Centipede, when I will go buy more wet food for Evilbunny (my cat) and a bleach pen for the white Hanes© shirts I wear every day, getting mula for school books, and whatnot - eventually the realisation of how seriously lucky I am in the tranny department comes creeping in.

Prior to starting hormone therapy a few years ago, I had literally resolved to stop dating. Zilch, done, ~fin~. It was just, too painful and triggering. Every attempt was an incredibly potent reminder of how I was trapped in a body that felt disconnected and uncomfortable. It wasn’t worth crying every single time and spiralling into weeks of hopelessness. Without intimacy, I could bind and never look at myself in the nude. Easy peasy. Solution foreva!

But, the idea of hormones sounded almost as awful. Losing my androgyny and looking like a boring ol’ greasy cisgender dude? Eff no. Heading down a path that insurance companies and numerous doctors explicitly exclude? Uh, no. Increasing my testosterone levels that are associated with shaving years off one’s life, increasing cancer risk, liver damage, increased cholesterol, acne, etc.? No, no, and no. Then finding a trans-friendly therapist, getting “the letter”, finding a hormone doctor, starting hormones, changing my name, maybe changing my gender (initially I wasn’t planning to), saving for top surgery, health risks, getting a hysterectomy eventually? Insurmountable!

At the time.

But, gadz. I’d lived with the disconnect for way too long and prioritised my physical health at the expense of my mental health. So I crackled, popped, fizzled, and started. I had a full-time salary job with health insurance and plunged in. Therapist, letter, doctor, hormones - check!. Then I began saving for top surgery. Then I was laid off. Job application after job application went nowhere. I was okay at first - but then, over time, I started to feel defeated and fell into a narrative of mopey feelin’ hopelessness. How would I save up for top surgery without money? How would I go in for much-needed physicals and check-ups without insurance?

Going back to school made me even more uninsured broke ass. When I forced myself to put a stupid little donation button on this blog for my surgery, I really didn’t think it would go anywhere. But a little over two years and a fund-raiser later, I ended up with enough. I couldn’t believe it. Still don’t, almost. It happened! For real! They’re gone! WTF!

Everything about this journey has been the most inspiring experience. All of the support I’ve received is a constant, blatant reminder that despite a lot of obstacles, there’s a whole world of selfless and compassionate people. And we attract one another. I’ll live the rest of my one and only life surrounded by such super neat, giving, and amazing people.

Rad.

So, there I was in my pantaloons, realising all of this and wondering, how did I ever feel like this was impossible and hopeless? I did start hormones. I did find doctors. I did change my name and gender. I did go back to school. I did get surgery. I did end up in a relationship. I did find a world of support. And I feel better than I ever have in my entire life.

Alright, so it’s unlike me to post two mega vain photo...

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:06:00 -0500

Alright, so it’s unlike me to post two mega vain photo shindigs back-to-back like this, but here’s the deal. I absolutely had to share the stubble & ‘stache action occurring on my face at the moment. Look, for pete’s hairy sake! Seriously. I generally try to hide my newfound transtastic vanity under the guise of “photo documentation” - which, initially, it was. But now it’s just vanity. The end. Whatdoyado. I’ll actually write something tomorrow. Promise.

My mom says that my hair looks “painted on”. If THIS...

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 15:11:00 -0500

My mom says that my hair looks “painted on”. If THIS looks painted on, then so does the cotton on the tip of a Q-Tip©! Rude.

Question for you. Werewolves vs. T-Rex. Who would win? BTW, looking good! :) Happy the top surgery went awesome and it looks good!

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 14:04:00 -0500

In response to your mature and trans-relevant question: werewolves, DUH. I mean, if apes could defeat dinosaurs in Dinosaurs vs. Apes, then werewolves would defeat a T-Rex no problem, paws down!

Now that this important issue is settled, thank you. ;) I freaking LOVE the results and intend to run around topless an awful, ridiculous amount all summer long. Poor world will just.have.to.deal.with.it.

Led by the child who simply knew

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 12:28:00 -0500

Led by the child who simply knew:

The twin boys were identical in every way but one. Wyatt was a girl to the core, and now lives as one.

Self-Injection Phase

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:12:00 -0500

For almost three years now I’ve been self-injecting. The very first time my hand quivered and I literally couldn’t do it - but every injection since then? No problem. It had become such a menial automaton task that when I switched from bi-weekly injection to every week it wasn’t no thang.

But then, something happened. About a month ago.

I don’t know what the hell it was, but when I went to self-inject, I just … couldn’t do it. This was a little over a month ago. I remember feeling extremely frustrated and confused over the whole ordeal and eventually cracked and had a friend help me.

I figured that this was just a one-time anomalous incident. But no! Ever since, every Thursday, I can’t self-inject. I couldn’t even look until last week.

What the hell?

Seriously.

So this morning I wake up, determined to self-inject. I get the needle ready, cleanse the injection site with an alcohol wipe, go for the plunge and… nothing. Couldn’t do it. I felt closer this time, but still froze up. So my dad woked, poked, and it was a done deal.

But I’m so frustrated. Why would I be able to self-inject with absolutely no problem for almost three years and then bang! start freezing up? It’s bizarre to me. By next week, hopefully, this little phase will be over with. Maybe it’s just school stress or not enough strawberries in my diet or who knows the hell what. Somethun.

The Outlier

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:55:00 -0500

My apologies in advance for what will probably be my most boring blog post yet - but, ya know, it happens. It’s only bound to get worse.

Anyway, whenever we do in-class surveys in my Statistics class I’m always the “outlier” (illustrated in picture over this way —>). Every time for whatever reason I’m surprised; probably because I live in an oblivious bubble on planet tranny zot. More on that later.

We received the following three survey questions:

1. What is your college GPA?

2. What was your high school GPA?

3. What is your gender?

The moral? To compare the differences. In the land o’ highschool, I did the all F’s drop out shindig, so I answered “1.0”. But now in the land o’ college I’m doing well.

(sidenote: I actually just learned that I’m in the upper 10% a few weeks ago when I was initiated into a national honors society called Alpha Chi. My impressions of college “initiations” prior included something like spanking or drunken branding - but I only had to dress fancy, recite a pledge, and hold a candle. I didn’t blog about this when it happened because it’s all fresh and bizarre and I’m adjusting to college and recognition stuff and wearing suits and whatnot. )

Anyway, my answer was so polar opposite from the rest of the class that the professor literally removed it to run statistics again. The frak. I’m posting a picture not to gloat like an anus, but to visually illustrate what I’m rambling on aboot:

See? And this has happened on every.single class survey.

In regards to the gender question, earlier in the semester I went my own way and ignored the male/female (0,1) binary shindig and added a third gender category (2). But, alas, it took more time and as I’ve become lazier and more broken nearing the end of this semester, I swallowed what’s left of my pride and just went with “male”.

But on an adorable note, the professor recalled that gender rebel antic and apologised to the class in advance for not adding the third gender category. Good ‘nuff. Oh, and I did super good on our last exam. Oh, and the semester is almost over. And I can’t wait to hole up for three days playing video games and festering in my own isolated recovery rot.

Just to show that I really mean it.

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 02:41:23 -0500

Just to show that I really mean it.

Upcoming Semester ~FIN~

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 01:37:19 -0500

Fuckin’ this semester. Seriously. And fuckin’ Statistics. And fuckin’ finals. And fuckin’ my bloody stress eyeball and my consta-compromised immune system. And fuckin’ whining. Which I do a lot of lately.

Alas, this semester is almost over. So… close… can’t… wait.

Then it starts all over again.

But, for a minute there, it’ll be nothing but puppy walking and snow-shielded sunshine and freedom and obsessing over the upcoming film Strippers vs. Werewolves. And getting caught up on Werewolf News. And blogging. And forgetting everything I’ve memorised this semester. All very important!