I SELF-INJECTED!

I just self-injected! Finally! It's been a little over 9 months that I suddenly, for no reason, couldn't self-inject. It was bizarre, because I'd been self-injecting testosterone cypionate into my thigh for almost three years with no fear and very little problems. And then, bam! - I just, couldn't.

Confused and frustrated, I assumed that maybe I was just off my game that week. But then it happened that following week. And the week after. And for over nine months, I've discovered that it's an incredible inconvenience to have to rely on someone else (usually my father) for my injections.

I started to develop additional anxieties around what's going to happen when someone isn't around to help, like when I move to Maryland next summer and don't know anyone who could help. I've also been irrationally hard on myself about it.

I woke up Friday morning determined to do my it myself. I decided not to do it in the morning, when there's a lot of rush and pressure. But, when evening approached, I couldn't bring myself to even try. I decided to put it off until Saturday.

Same deal. I focused on other things and finally succumbed to the belief that it wasn't going to happen.

Then this morning, I decided to really go for it. It took me three needles to get there, but it happened.

On the first attempt, I tried to follow advice from this "Self Injection for Wimps!" video. The speaker suggests that instead of plunging the needle in to the thigh quickly, one can slowly "bounce" the needle through the skin and into the muscle. It bounced. It broke through. And as the needle slid deeper and deeper, my thigh muscle twitched and knocked the needle out.

On my second attempt I chose a different spot on my thigh. But, after the muscle twitch incident, I felt even more reluctant and couldn't get the needle through my skin.
After failed thigh muscle attempts #1 and #2, it occurred to me - why don't I give my buttocks a shot? I'd never tried before and I know it's a popular way for a lot of other fellers to do their intramuscular injection so, let's do it!

Since I had no idea where to inject, I found numerous videos and pictures marking the appropriate injection site and how to find it. Then, off I went to the bathroom. Standing, twisted, and watching in the mirror, I wiped a spot with alcohol, pressed down on it, and then slowly "bounced" the needle in. And, to my surprise, it did go in. Painlessly. Easily. With no muscle twitch. I pulled back on the syringe to make sure that I hadn't hit a vein, and when it came up clear, I injected.

Now failed thigh muscle attempts #1 and #2 are all bruised and angry, but I did it.

I SELF-INJECTED.

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