thisisntabloganymoreok-deactiva asked: it's a ways off, but i hope your surgery goes well. i wish i could be as definitive about my gender, but hopefully that will change with age.
In contrast to the years I’ve wanted this to happen and felt entirely hopeless about it, next month is not in the slightest “a ways off”. It’s just around the corner and I absolutely can’t wait. Thank you!

With gender, I actually wouldn’t say I’ve ever been all that definitive about it. I identified as genderqueer before and I do now (and as a trans male; but that came a little later) - but mostly because I feel like there isn’t really language yet that’s anywhere near encompassing the spectrum of gender identities and sexes that actually exist outside of the binary “male/female” dichotomy.

BUT, what I have been definitive about is the very blatant dysphoria between my mind and anatomy. Which, for me, has always felt much closer to the realm of something like phantom limb syndrome - which is a separate situation than a desire to be socially “male”, if that makes sense. If anything, I have every desire in the world to be socially queer-as-fuck. But, alas, I’m losing my visibility in that department incrementally… bit by bit. Which is socially sad, but mega-anti-dysphoria-happy.

Interestingly, back in the day while searching around for articles about phantom limbs, I stumbled across the knowledge that not too long ago a neuroscientist named V.S. Ramachandran (best known for his phantom limb research) presented a hypothesis and preliminary results on transsexuality that I personally relate to much more than typical discussions around gender! The idea being that "... in M2F transsexuals the representation of the penis is lacking in the cerebral cortex and in F2M transsexuals the region for breasts during development is not mapped onto the cerebral cortex, which is why the brain does not consider the organs as its “own”". In other words, a brain-based body image that isn’t in sync with one’s anatomy.

Poor you. Long-winded response for some surgery kudos - but, ya know… that gender button gets me every time. ;) So who knows! Maybe we’re equally definitive!

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